Welcome to Lucan

Today is Day 2 of midterm outreach! We left Rostrevor at 8:30am yesterday, and crammed awkwardly into a van with all our luggage and food packing us in like sardines (and my feet on the armrest between the front seats, since there was nowhere else to put them). We drove for a couple hours, rocking out to music, and arrived at the Lucan Centre still in the morning...at which point the clouds decided to downpour. Norman, our host, have us a tour of the Centre, after which we were elated to discover that we had the rest of the day to relax. Coming off of a crazy week, and having to get up early on a Saturday morning (our one day to usually sleep in), a day of relaxation was just what we needed before jumping into a new week with both feet. And naturally, after we discovered that laying on our beds was much akin to laying on clouds, we all gravitated toward naptime. In the evening, we spent some time meandering around the town of Lucan, which ended in McDonalds when it got dark (since that was one of the only places that was open).

This morning, we went to a nearby Presbyterian church, and got to talk with people after, and them came back to the Centre for a tasty barbeque. Later, we will go on a prayer walk around Lucan. Tomorrow, our week begins in earnest.

It is a privilege to be in another place that has a history of Christians reaching out to the local community, and has a vision for reconciliation, just as An Cuan used to be the Christian Renewal Centre all through the Troubles. The Lucan Centre used to be the Lucan Youth Centre. It's hard not to feel the history, and the potential. They have great expectations for what the Lord will do through this place. It is an honor to be here during the changing of the tides--both in An Cuan (the YWAM base), and now in Lucan Centre. I look forward to seeing what the Lord will do next, who He will raise up, and when.

In the meantime, the Lord continues to prepare me for whatever ministry He has for me. I feel much like a leaf caught in the wind of the Spirit, as He blows me along, on a sure gust between one prepared place and the next. Please continue to pray that this week He will not only keep our group, our hosts, and those we meet and minister to safe from the enemy, but that the Lord will continue to assure us of our identity in Him, and that He will show us our individual gifts and help us to walk in them even as He knits us together as a group. In this week we may be stretched in many areas, stepping into or being confronted with ideas or ministries that we have never really considered or experienced before. Please pray that wherever we walk, the Lord will Himself shed Light and refreshment, and that unique, exquisite fragrance of Christ that we have been so enthralled by, and that we and everyone around us will feel His presence and see Him high and lifted up.

Freedom Week

It's starting to sink in for all of us that we have been here at the YWAM base in Northern Ireland for a month. Since we talk about this as lecture week four--meaning we're on our fourth DTS speaker--it seems like so short a time that we've been here. But when I read through my journal assignment from last week, what I was learning then felt so long ago. As I mentioned to a couple staff here, by the time I go back to the States I will probably feel I have aged 10 years, and you all back home will have to remind me that it has only been 5 months.

This week is called "Freedom Week," and it is special because we have four speakers (instead of one) from a church in London (rather than from YWAM). So far they started with our identity (who God designed each of us individually to be), and worked their way up to spiritual warfare (the lies of the enemy, strongholds, the soul-body-spirit makeup, things we hold onto in our hearts that have unknowingly affected us deeply and how Satan uses those things as footholds). Although there have been a few points I have disagreed on (mostly in regards to universal healing, and to proclaiming things into existence), much of this week has been review for me because I am no stranger to spiritual warfare.  Twice this week, time was set aside for our speakers to pray with us, with a ratio of one speaker and a couple base staff to one DTS student, about the issues of God's unique design in us and about strongholds in our lives. Both times I went into the prayer sessions unsure of what to expect, and therefore a bit uneasy, but the Lord worked both times, and I felt freer because of it.

In-country midterm outreach is in a couple weeks. The team is split in two, between Belfast and Dublin. I will be going to Dublin. I went to Dublin for a day trip last weekend, as you may have noticed from my Facebook posts, but that was a tourist trip with two fellow DTS-mates. This midterm trip will be something of a missionary cocktail for me: a sampling of several different types of missions that we will be exposed to and trying them on for size to see which (if any) fit me. Please pray that the Lord will show me what is and is not for me (for the long-run), and that He will put specific people in place as connections for me, and that the Lord will knit our team together in unity even now so that the enemy will have no opportunity to tear it asunder.

As for the actual Outreach Phase of our DTS, we will be walking the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland (which I am extremely excited about), then flying to Albania for two weeks, and then on to the Czech Republic for three weeks. I am particularly excited about the work we will be doing praying for people in the Red Light district in Prague, as that is something I have been secretly interested in trying for some time now. The Border Walk, which will be something of a prayer walk for reconciliation in Ireland, made the newspaper last time YWAM did it. It is about a 200-mile trek, so please pray for fitness, refreshment, and renewed strength, as well as that the Lord would bring to mind what specifically needs to be prayed for in each area we venture through. Outreach Phase does not begin until July, but I am sure that will creep up on us, as time is already starting to speed along. Thankfully, we will not need any new visas for our outreach countries, or any additional vaccinations.

I know some of you have been praying for me with regards to sleep. Thank you for your prayers! God is answering! He is granting me refuge from the nightmares. Please continue to pray, as I am sure Satan will try to find other avenues of attack as we draw closer to our midterm outreach.

One main theme that God continues to reiterate is His love for me. In light of the "Smile: Jesus loves you" stickers of childhood, this seems so elementary, so obvious, so cheesy. It's become a catchphrase. And, as a catchphrase, it has lost its potency. So we, as Christians, tend to turn in angst to the cross, to school ourselves into submission with the depressing death of Christ as an example of love. And that it is. But we forget that love does not leave us there, and we forget that God does more than that to love us. He could have stopped with the cross. Heck, He could have stopped before the cross! But He chose to do more. He chooses to intervene in our lives today. And in light of Easter, I think it's time we realized that we have a RISEN Christ, and a Jesus who is ALIVE can CONTINUE to love us ACTIVELY in ways that the world around us cannot attain to. The passion of the Christ is not just that Jesus died, or even that He rose; it's that THE STORY IS NOT OVER! It's that His passion is eternal, and lives on, and is not bound by our doubt and our self-deprecation and everything people have said and done to us. We forget that God is BIGGER than all of this, and that in rising from the dead to continue on eternally, He has proven it...And He continues to prove it to us every day. We just ignore Him most of the time. But what if we didn't? What would life be like then...?

Life, and life more abundantly: Shall we walk in it?

The Lecture Heart

And here we come to the close of our third week of lectures--our fourth week of DTS.

You're probably all wondering what "lectures" means. I mean, sure, someone is obviously lecturing...but about what? I could rattle off a list of themes, I suppose, as every week is intended to have one primary theme. But the reality is that we are wrestling with God's Truth--not just theologically, but wrestling with the power of it. What if God is calling us to great and awesome things? What was God's original design for the world and, if that was different, what does that make God's salvation plan? Why are we so set on leaning toward Jesus either being God or Man, but wrestle with Him being fully both? All these things wrap up into our identity, both as Christians and as a group. As I'm writing this to you right now, many of you might see this as lofty deliberation. You don't realize you have questions and internal conflicts, until someone asks you if you believe we can raise people from the dead...and then you're taken aback and suddenly have to really think about whether this is a faith issue and where the power to do so would come from (and why). Theoretical principles to you, maybe...but here we are face to face with being on a mission field that may look and function very differently from what we have grown up believing from sight. Tonight we may get a glimpse of what that mission field may look like.

Having said this, I feel it is important to tell you that while I came here in search of a calling (which has definitely been confirmed in my heart), I also (unknowingly) came here to be transformed in a very different manner than I expected. Since God took 14 years to send me here, I figured that was all preparation time--mostly for me, but maybe some of that was also God preparing the place for me to step into and raising up the people to join with. But I am quickly learning that God isn't done turning me upside down and inside out, flipping me around on the inside. He didn't pause to send me here; in many ways, He may have sent me here both to grow my faith (the fulfillment of a 14-year promise) and because it is here that He can grow me in ways that He set aside for the perfect time, which is now.

Lecture Week 2

After a week and a half of lectures and chores, it is hard to keep track of how long we have been on-base. I have begun to understand what "Discipleship Training School" means: missionary training. If Bible college deals with the intellectual knowledge of God--the foundations, and building principles upon them--then DTS is the missionary testing ground where idealism is broken, applied, and remade anew. That being said, the Lord has seized lectures as the opportunity to deal with deep heart issues. Last week's lectures were on our identity (in Christ). This week's lectures are on the father heart of God. But these topics blur together, much as the abstract ideas of the attributes of God blur together when the theology is explained. It is impossible not to see one in light of the other.

Chores around the base keep us busy for a bulk of the time. We have lectures for several hours a day, and worship or intercessory prayer (for people and/or for nations). We have devotions every morning, which begin corporately, soon we split off on our own for one-on-one time with God. Much as I am not a morning person, I find myself grateful that the time was set aside ahead of time, because it would be quite a challenge to do so otherwise, considering how full our days are. Outreach and small group are each once a week. Monday nights the base hosts Harbour, a sort of community night with worship and a relatively short service.

Thursday nights are a DTS "family night," on which we do something fun as a DTS. Last week--our first family night--involved visiting a local monastery (which was surprisingly modern) run by five Catholic monks. One monk answered our questions, and we sat in on an evening service. I have never been comfortable in or around Catholic churches, cathedrals, or minsters, and so I expected to feel just as spiritually cold as around one of the aforementioned buildings. What I did not expect was a tangible deep reverence for God (which we in the Protestant churches sorely lack), beautiful a cappella male singing voices, and the heavy presence of God thick in the air. I would not have thought to look for the Spirit of God there--would have thought He would need to be invited--and yet there He was, in greater measure than I have ever felt before in a church. It blew me away. It was also kind of cool that since they were Benedictine monks, they actually stood up whenever the Trinity was mentioned. Not-so-cool was the lineup before a painting of Mary holding baby Jesus, so that everyone could get sprinkled with holy water. I tried really hard not to feel like I was going to get struck with a baby rattle. Shows my ignorance.

Saturdays have been free days that, so far, have opened up the world to us. Our Northern Irish teammates, from Banbridge, have invited the rest of us in the DTS to join them for events that we would never have known about otherwise. The weekend before last, that involved attending the college-age group called Vibe, which met near Armagh. (I'm hoping to go there again this weekend.) Last weekend, we went up to Belfast for a little bit of mall exploration, and then to an international-style buffet restaurant called Cosmos, before heading to a worship concert hosted by a church.

Grace, me, & Renee (DTS)

Nashed (DTS) & Milad (DTS staff)

Linda & Lauren (DTS)

Renee, Grace, & Malari (DTS)

James & Jen (siblings)

The walk from where we parked to the mall was my first introduction to the Shankill--the area of Belfast where the troubles were at their worst. The high walls surrounding apartments, houses, and flats still have massive spikes atop them. It's hard not to feel the history of the city through the spiritual climate, even just driving into Belfast from outside.

On the bright side (literally) we actually got SUN yesterday! A cloud rolled in extremely fast (which was pretty cool to watch moving so fast across the water, but I'm pretty sure the fishing boat didn't appreciate it, as they ended up stuck in front of the base for a day), and of course today it was foggy and it's raining right now. The tides are really weird here. This area of ocean (or inlet) is called Carlingford Lough. The water is extremely shallow in front of the base, but comes up pretty far looking deceptively deep...and then recedes to ridiculously far out, to the point where you wonder if you could walk halfway across the channel to the Republic. The ground when it recedes is littered with what must be millions of mussel and clam shells, many whole as well as broken.

The water in Carlingford Lough (shore of Rostrevor) was super high! Beautiful day :) But don't go in; you'll freeze! You can see the cloud rolling in on the right, obscuring the mountain on the Republic side near the opening to the bay.

Orientation, Time Changes, & Pubs, Oh My!

This week was orientation week--in other words, "Info Dump." This was the week we were informed of policies and house rules/inner workings, signed contracts, and made our debut at events as the "new DTS." We also received our first assignments in the classroom, and received extensive introductions to topics like hearing God's voice, intercessory prayer, dependence upon God for finances, and conflict resolution.

We started in on mealtime chores, went on tours of the house, and went on a scavenger hunt around Rostrevor (on which we had waaaay too much fun taking pictures of us doing things that were not required).

An Cuan, the YWAM Rostrevor Base

Today we all told our testimonies--DTS students and staff alike. Although nerve-wracking for all of us, it was amazing to hear all that God had done to bring us each individually to where we are now--both in our relationship with Him, and to our physical location at YWAM Rostrevor. God has brought together a very colorful group of individuals in this season, to His glory, and I look forward to seeing the tapestry that He will weave through this time.

It has been a very full and informative week, which has left little free time (except in the evenings, when we are tired from the day and want to do little else than lounge around socializing and drinking tea, take showers, or sleep). We have all been adjusting from jet lag, which we finally figured out has been especially difficult because of multiple time changes; we "sprang ahead" with the time change in the States, then lost an entire day to international travel, lost 7 hours upon arrival (since the U.K. is currently 7 hours ahead of California), and then found out the U.K. has not yet hit Daylight Savings and will be "springing ahead" within the next couple weeks--meaning yet another time change. Needless to say, we're all looking forward to this weekend, both for free time and for sleep.

"Free time" does not, however, mean that we are left with nothing to do. Most of us still have an assignment to complete this particular weekend, and we all have to come together to sort out meals on weekends in general (as we just learned). But there is plenty to do corporately outside the base as well. Pub ministry takes place on weekends. Our Irish teammates have connections to other ministries, as well as friends to connect with. And some staff members open up their homes for movie and game nights. The local restaurants and ice cream shop also stay open until late at night, as people are out late for the pubs.

Most American Christians, I think, would hear "pub ministry" and cringe. They think of a Christian sitting at a bar, fighting the temptation to conform and get drunk with people, as they try to evangelize the the unbelievers around them, and wonder how valid of a witness that is. (Or at least, I would, because I've heard of too many people falling.) But pub culture here in Ireland is very different from American bar atmosphere. The legal drinking age is lower, the overall attendance age is very mixed, and the music doesn't start until 10pm and goes into the early hours of the morning. When I say "music," I mean live performance...and when I say "live performance," I don't just mean a band; I mean there may be one hired musician, who gets paid, but anyone else is free to join in--either with their voice, or with an instrument they brought. And there are times when the entire pub will quiet so a single person can sing--a person who may or may not be an accomplished musician or a seasoned patron. Never have I seen such a music-based culture, so rooted around creativity and performance. This creativity permeates the YWAM base, and propels its residents outward into the community to share their gifts effectively for Jesus, whether in worship halls or pub settings; the versatility is truly amazing.

The crazy part is how well recognized the YWAM base is in the community. The townspeople are aware that new students sweep in and out every few months, and they are aware that we stay at the historical Christian Renewal Center, which is so famous for its work during the Troubles. They have seen the community work of previous DTSes. They have come to Open Mike Nights, Community Fairs, and Monday night Harbour services at the base. Please pray that this outstanding witness would continue.

Please also pray that, as we all get ready to enter into our first "real" week as a DTS, we would grow together, that we would be refreshed, and that we would be able to hit the ground running.

For me personally, please pray for my Jesus time and alone time, as I am not yet sure what that should look like here. Please also pray that God would direct me as I seek out both Him and those places and things that He has shown me and continues to show me, and that He would keep tight hold of my heart for the duration of my time here (and beyond). Another continued prayer of mine is that God would continue to cement into me the reality of where I am and what He is doing with me here.

Thank you for your continued prayers and little electronic notes of support! I appreciate them. :)

Pre-DTS Weekend

Yesterday Renee, Nashed, and I explored around town. We went to breakfast at a coffee shop called The Old School House, had an interesting conversation with an older Irish gentleman (who told a story in which we were married to one another--to our hysterical bafflement, which we held in until after he left), and then ventured into the local park. The park was full of rolling green hills, but also had a random woodsy area. It was surrounded by an old stone wall. We did not go to the two-story cafe in the center, or find the trail to the mountain, but we did find a fenced-off exercise section, which we had WAY too much fun playing around in.

Later, we accepted an invitation to a pub to get our first taste of live Irish music. We had fun, but it started late at night, and by the end we were all very tired.

Today, we attended an Anglican church in Newry, called St. Patrick's. The worship was surprisingly contemporary, and the teaching very down-to-Earth. The people were warm and welcoming, and even let us join them afterward for some Irish stew in honor of Saint Patrick's Day! The sight of a flute player made me sorely miss playing my flute in worship. I'm starting to regret not bringing it. But there may yet be a solution for that...

After that, we went to a grocery store resembling a SuperWalmart (only better), which revolutionized our idea of two-story shopping by utilizing a cross between a moving sidewalk and an escalator that magnetized the wheels of the shopping carts to stick to its slope while transporting them (and us) to the second floor. The rest of the day was pretty low-key as our remaining group members slowly trickled in as they arrived, until finally it came time for the welcome dinner YWAM threw for us in honor of the beginning of our Discipleship Training School to help introduce us to the staff.

Tomorrow is Saint Patrick's Day--a national holiday, and the first day of Orientation Week for our DTS.

Prep, Flight, & Arrival

For those who have not been following me on Facebook, I apologize, as I realize I did not post about actually receiving my visa on this blog. I did receive my visa in the afternoon on Wednesday, the day before I flew out. I also received my renewed debit card that evening. Those were the two big snail-mail items that I needed before I left, and both arrived just in the nick of time.

I pulled an all-nighter on Wednesday night, continually weighing my toiletry bag and my suitcase until I could get it just under the allotted 50lbs. It was frustrating, to be sure. I kept trying to take stuff out of my suitcase, but I really didn't have all that much in there! Either that, or I did have a lot in there, but each thing weighed very little, and together the bag weighed a lot. Sometimes it was hard to tell which was the problem. And sometimes the two scales said two different things...Blah. Anyway, I had said I could pull an all-nighter, but I wasn't sure I actually would, until I finally finished cleaning up the mess I had made of my parents' extra room and went to take a shower...and ran into my dad, and realized he was up for the morning. Hence I had a very queasy, sleep-deprived car ride to the airport with my parents in early morning San Francisco stop-and-go traffic.

We got to the airport with enough time to spare, which was good because neither my parents nor I really knew where we were going; all of us usually fly out of Sacramento, and I've only ever been picked up from the San Francisco airport once (unexpectedly, when I was ill and exhausted), so it was a new experience. The place was so big, I was amazed we made it to the right terminal. My suitcase made it under the weight radar, and then I was off with my two heavy backpacks, jackets, and travel pillows. I thought a couple times that I might have to check my carry-on backpack, but it made the cut both times. The flight to Newark, New York/New Jersey was 4 hours, and then I had a couple hours' layover, and the second leg directly to Belfast was 5 hours. The 4-hour trip was a drag, because it was light out but all I really wanted to do was sleep, and I had trouble getting comfortable. But the 5-hour trip was international, so it had free movies, and they served us dinner and a mini-breakfast. I managed to get maybe an hour and a half of sleep on that flight.

The weird thing about the second flight was the realization that I was walking on a flight to Belfast, and that when I stepped off of that plane five hours later, I would be in Belfast. I was starting to believe it, and I felt all fluttery inside. There was this panic-voice saying that I could back out--that what I was doing was crazy, that this was too big for me--but that was ludicrous; I mean, of COURSE it's too big for me, but God's presence with me and His assurance were so strong, His voice so clear, His pleasure so real, I'd have to be a fool to second-guess it.

I didn't know what to expect when I flew into Belfast. I had been interested in Northern Ireland for 14 years, and in the last several years I had been calling it God's "call" on my life, saying it was meant to be permanent. But I had never set foot on Ireland--either Northern or Republic. I always get a very keen sense of the places that I visit, and typically either really like them or really don't. How was I to know which it would be? Sure, I loved these people from afar, without ever having met any of them. But what about when I dropped into the culture? What if I got there, and I really didn't like it, and then I was stuck there and had to tough it out for three months? But I needn't have worried; before we were even on the ground in Belfast, I felt it: a sense of belonging, such as I do not remember feeling in all my life. It is as though I was always meant to be here. My love for the people has not gone away; if anything, it has increased, despite my difficulty in understanding them sometimes when they speak.

This weekend, we are largely on our own--free to explore the building (bigger on the inside) and the grounds and the nearby town. I was the first to arrive, since I came in at about 7:45 this morning, and then Renee (from Oregon) and Nashed (from Israel) arrived in the afternoon while I was catching up on some of my missed sleep. We were the first 3 of 7. Four more will arrive this weekend: 2 locals, and 2 from the States, if I understood correctly. It will be a small group, with only one guy, and it sounds like we might all be in our 20s.

If you would like to contact me while I am here, please do so through Facebook, email, iMessage, or the Kik app, or you can leave a comment here. I will not be receiving phone calls or text messages, and will not be able to send them either; I'm sticking with wifi as a primary mode of contact.